Friday, May 18, 2007
There're so many roles to play and as I am trying hard to excel in each, instead of falling to place, it's crumbling indeed. I am tired.
I want to be a good daughter.
I want to be a good girlfriend.
I want to be a good sister.
I want to be a good friend.
I want to be a good listener.
I want to be a good role model.
I want to be good, good, good.
I want all to be happy.
I want to please all. Even if it is at my own cost.
I just want my love ones to be happy.
BUT....
I'm tired, I dont know what to do when I'm in such junction now. I did all I could, gave up all my time, I don't even have the least time for my own. All that I'm doing is not soley for my own, not just my own. I'm not asking for appreciation, I'm not asking for reward, I'm not asking for anything, I'm doing all these on my own will. Sometimes, I just want to be rebellious and leave, just leave as far as I can go. But I know I won't cos it would break your heart. I appreciate every single little things that you've done and I'm tryin as hard as you to maintain this whole relationship. At times like this, I just feel as lost as you are.
I know the ans to this qn but why, why things don't go the way we want or expect?
I am tired.
I really wish and ask that God will take away all these misery, take away this pain I am feelin inside me now. Away away away...
I really thank God for the long weekend ahead, atleast something to make me feel happy.
Thank you Jesus.
I want to be a good daughter.
I want to be a good girlfriend.
I want to be a good sister.
I want to be a good friend.
I want to be a good listener.
I want to be a good role model.
I want to be good, good, good.
I want all to be happy.
I want to please all. Even if it is at my own cost.
I just want my love ones to be happy.
BUT....
I'm tired, I dont know what to do when I'm in such junction now. I did all I could, gave up all my time, I don't even have the least time for my own. All that I'm doing is not soley for my own, not just my own. I'm not asking for appreciation, I'm not asking for reward, I'm not asking for anything, I'm doing all these on my own will. Sometimes, I just want to be rebellious and leave, just leave as far as I can go. But I know I won't cos it would break your heart. I appreciate every single little things that you've done and I'm tryin as hard as you to maintain this whole relationship. At times like this, I just feel as lost as you are.
I know the ans to this qn but why, why things don't go the way we want or expect?
I am tired.
I really wish and ask that God will take away all these misery, take away this pain I am feelin inside me now. Away away away...
I really thank God for the long weekend ahead, atleast something to make me feel happy.
Thank you Jesus.
♥ love & blessings
19:25
Thursday, May 17, 2007
What am I doing online, still awake at such hour? NO WORK TMR!! Yeah! I've got a long weekend! Only going back to work on Tues cos Mon's graduation, yippie! Close to 12mn may still be early; the night is still young but ever since I've started work, 10pm is considered VERY late! If I am able to be in bed by 9pm would be double triple blessing cos that would mean 10 hours of beauty sleep. To date, my sleeping hours ranges from 5-7hours. I have come to a point where I'll plop to bed and finding myself up the same position the next morn, still thinking if I have just slept. Great! Hhaha working life I know!
Not complaining, not complaining, money earned but the saying in office goes "Money is not longer the motivation!" To be honest, I'm having mixed feelings about this assignment, I can't wait for it to end yet I can't bear to leave. I am only taking up this job for the sake of having proper admin experience stated in my resume and really, I'm totally not a desk bound person, goodness, yawn! Money prolly is partially still the motivation but ultimately is the company at work =) Nice fellas I've met at SIM and truly treasure the friendship made =) The nonsensical-not-so-innocent jokes, whining about OT, waiting for the ultimate turn-on qn of the day, girly talks w Minmin, slacking at the sofa, slacking at work, Mon,Wed,Fri=NP-Tues,Thurs=SIM lunch rule, secretly yet openly surfing the net, daily complimentary breakfast from the crazy sch fees plus the unlimited serving of coffee and tea and the list goes on... Wonderful and beautiful memories, am glad and have never regretted taking up this assignment. Heard from Minhui, they prolly need us till end June, was initially thinkin of quitting the first week of June, guess I'll prolly stay on. What my future holds?? Leaving it to my Daddy!
Was blog surfing and came across this friend's friend's blog, chanced upon it some where some time ago. Havent been blog surfing and wow am amazed by the amount of entries she had. Okay side track! Anyway, I've always somehow respected (I am not sure myself if this is the right word, anyway oh well..) her, she's pretty, smart, writes well blah blah, you get my drift? Like how when you think rather highly of someone? I'm perfectly straight, alright! Guess most imptly, it is her relationship with her bf that really caught my attention back then in sec sch. They been longer than Ber and I have been and I believe (from what I've heard and read) they've been thru more than we did. And it is just so amazing how they, together hand in hand been-there-done-that and kept the relationship going despite a few on/off yet still stronger than before. Coming back to my point of her latest entry, it is really sad to know what they are going thru now and I can truly sympathise with what she is going thru and her feelings, not fully but somehow. It is not easy, never. Pretty much affected by her recent entries and I certainly pray and hope all will be well for her and her bf. Have always thought they would last and believe they still will! Don't lose faith girl!
On a lighter note, met up with my darling Nic, Xiang, Alex and Justin for dinner last week at Modesto's. Too bad Rah and Ally cldnt make it the last min, the next time okay?! Goodness gracious to the huge 20" pizza that our dear Justin so highly recommends. It is good, delicious but HUMONGOUS! To think, Justin had intended to order that when he thought dinner would only be the two of us! What are you think Justin!! Hhahah Doubt we'll ever going to finish it! Brought the other wives and gay partner along to surprise him! He was truly surprised! Finished off the night with a cuppa at Starbucks, where our dear Xiang surprised Justin the second time with a, in Justin's words: rubbing-against-a-tree-trunk tea, it was hilarious! Caught up with each other, looking back; listing out how we met, if this didnt happened we prolly wont be friends and finding out many amazings facts, both fiction and non fiction aka gossips! Had work the next day so didnt stay late, bummer! It was truly a blessed night and I believe we each had a good time in each other's company =)
Speaking of which, graduation is just next Mon! This sound bimbo but I so havent thought of what to wear! Going down TP with Justin to collect our grad gown tmr and I've yet to print my order slip, better get it done bef I forget again! Ah time passes so quickly, I am sure getting old and I really can't help but always reminiscing! But I am so thankful so thankful for all the lovely memories given to me! Thank you Daddy! =)
Alright off to bed, my eyes are really closing!
Night world!
Not complaining, not complaining, money earned but the saying in office goes "Money is not longer the motivation!" To be honest, I'm having mixed feelings about this assignment, I can't wait for it to end yet I can't bear to leave. I am only taking up this job for the sake of having proper admin experience stated in my resume and really, I'm totally not a desk bound person, goodness, yawn! Money prolly is partially still the motivation but ultimately is the company at work =) Nice fellas I've met at SIM and truly treasure the friendship made =) The nonsensical-not-so-innocent jokes, whining about OT, waiting for the ultimate turn-on qn of the day, girly talks w Minmin, slacking at the sofa, slacking at work, Mon,Wed,Fri=NP-Tues,Thurs=SIM lunch rule, secretly yet openly surfing the net, daily complimentary breakfast from the crazy sch fees plus the unlimited serving of coffee and tea and the list goes on... Wonderful and beautiful memories, am glad and have never regretted taking up this assignment. Heard from Minhui, they prolly need us till end June, was initially thinkin of quitting the first week of June, guess I'll prolly stay on. What my future holds?? Leaving it to my Daddy!
Was blog surfing and came across this friend's friend's blog, chanced upon it some where some time ago. Havent been blog surfing and wow am amazed by the amount of entries she had. Okay side track! Anyway, I've always somehow respected (I am not sure myself if this is the right word, anyway oh well..) her, she's pretty, smart, writes well blah blah, you get my drift? Like how when you think rather highly of someone? I'm perfectly straight, alright! Guess most imptly, it is her relationship with her bf that really caught my attention back then in sec sch. They been longer than Ber and I have been and I believe (from what I've heard and read) they've been thru more than we did. And it is just so amazing how they, together hand in hand been-there-done-that and kept the relationship going despite a few on/off yet still stronger than before. Coming back to my point of her latest entry, it is really sad to know what they are going thru now and I can truly sympathise with what she is going thru and her feelings, not fully but somehow. It is not easy, never. Pretty much affected by her recent entries and I certainly pray and hope all will be well for her and her bf. Have always thought they would last and believe they still will! Don't lose faith girl!
On a lighter note, met up with my darling Nic, Xiang, Alex and Justin for dinner last week at Modesto's. Too bad Rah and Ally cldnt make it the last min, the next time okay?! Goodness gracious to the huge 20" pizza that our dear Justin so highly recommends. It is good, delicious but HUMONGOUS! To think, Justin had intended to order that when he thought dinner would only be the two of us! What are you think Justin!! Hhahah Doubt we'll ever going to finish it! Brought the other wives and gay partner along to surprise him! He was truly surprised! Finished off the night with a cuppa at Starbucks, where our dear Xiang surprised Justin the second time with a, in Justin's words: rubbing-against-a-tree-trunk tea, it was hilarious! Caught up with each other, looking back; listing out how we met, if this didnt happened we prolly wont be friends and finding out many amazings facts, both fiction and non fiction aka gossips! Had work the next day so didnt stay late, bummer! It was truly a blessed night and I believe we each had a good time in each other's company =)
Speaking of which, graduation is just next Mon! This sound bimbo but I so havent thought of what to wear! Going down TP with Justin to collect our grad gown tmr and I've yet to print my order slip, better get it done bef I forget again! Ah time passes so quickly, I am sure getting old and I really can't help but always reminiscing! But I am so thankful so thankful for all the lovely memories given to me! Thank you Daddy! =)
Alright off to bed, my eyes are really closing!
Night world!
♥ love & blessings
23:59
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
If I were to say I'm not disappointed, I'll be lying to myself but I must say I am in fact happy cos I found the happiness within me with the my Lord. I cant seem to express the happiness but I believe, everything is in His control!
The examiners sure have their reasons in not selecting me but I believe the Lord was the one that made them do it. I'm just not prepared for it. Perseverance! I will try again the next try and this time round with FAITH! =)
The examiners sure have their reasons in not selecting me but I believe the Lord was the one that made them do it. I'm just not prepared for it. Perseverance! I will try again the next try and this time round with FAITH! =)
♥ love & blessings
17:55
All I Want For Christmas Is You - Mariah Carey
