Saturday, December 15, 2007
Adelaide was alright, nothing much to do and anyway was totally not in any mood to do anything. Sorry buddy if I looked like hell during the trip.
I'm really glad to be back home yet on the other hand, I duno.
I can only rely on the strength of God and the miraculous power of prayer.
When will all these come to an end?
The feelin within is just so unbearable. Even at Adelaide, I know I was tired but I just cant seem to rest. My mind is just filled with all the what if, only if, how I wish, praying and hoping all will be well for him. This sucks!
I'm tired. Inside out. I'm so scared, I dont want to face this alone, I dont want to be alone in this. I know God is with me but physically being alone in it is horrible. The pain, the anger, the hurt, the fear, the worries and all the other the-s. Been there done that, I'm scared, I'm very scared.
I'm really so lethargic, there's so many things need to be done. Christmas is around the corner. None of us shld be feeling this way, shld be in this shit but..... I just want to be alone. ALONE.
I just want to run away, run far far far far very far away. It's no longer just the two of us, it has involved so many pple, so many. And there are so many pple that I have to face. I hate this, I REALLY DO.
God please get me outta this, please get him outta this, please get us outta this. Only You can, only You can do this miracle. Please help!!!!!!!
There's so many !@#$%%^&* within me that I want to vent but I duno how to. I'm just like a dead me inside. The smile, the laughter I have on me is just merely a mask, I hate it. I want joy, I want laughter, I want all to be happy, genuinely happy. I dont want to disappoint anyone, I dont. I know you all are concern for me but what I'm going through, no one will ever understand. I'm foolish, I'm stupid but no one will ever know what I'm going through. I just want to sleep my day away, sleep sleep sleep sleep and more sleep and if I ever dont wake up, it'll prolly be the best. But I'm so very tired. So very tired.
I'm really glad to be back home yet on the other hand, I duno.
I can only rely on the strength of God and the miraculous power of prayer.
When will all these come to an end?
The feelin within is just so unbearable. Even at Adelaide, I know I was tired but I just cant seem to rest. My mind is just filled with all the what if, only if, how I wish, praying and hoping all will be well for him. This sucks!
I'm tired. Inside out. I'm so scared, I dont want to face this alone, I dont want to be alone in this. I know God is with me but physically being alone in it is horrible. The pain, the anger, the hurt, the fear, the worries and all the other the-s. Been there done that, I'm scared, I'm very scared.
I'm really so lethargic, there's so many things need to be done. Christmas is around the corner. None of us shld be feeling this way, shld be in this shit but..... I just want to be alone. ALONE.
I just want to run away, run far far far far very far away. It's no longer just the two of us, it has involved so many pple, so many. And there are so many pple that I have to face. I hate this, I REALLY DO.
God please get me outta this, please get him outta this, please get us outta this. Only You can, only You can do this miracle. Please help!!!!!!!
There's so many !@#$%%^&* within me that I want to vent but I duno how to. I'm just like a dead me inside. The smile, the laughter I have on me is just merely a mask, I hate it. I want joy, I want laughter, I want all to be happy, genuinely happy. I dont want to disappoint anyone, I dont. I know you all are concern for me but what I'm going through, no one will ever understand. I'm foolish, I'm stupid but no one will ever know what I'm going through. I just want to sleep my day away, sleep sleep sleep sleep and more sleep and if I ever dont wake up, it'll prolly be the best. But I'm so very tired. So very tired.
♥ love & blessings
14:04
All I Want For Christmas Is You - Mariah Carey
