Saturday, May 24, 2008
No matter how many times we meet, it just never seem enough. The last we met was on Mon bef my BNE and we've been meetin the past week, oh so often, like almost on each offday! Not that I'm complaining though! Met for dinner this time round. And each time, no matter how much we say we wont stay late, we end up only going home after twelve or when we're really tired or when we have an early morn flt the next day, even then, we're still out late. And really, no matter how much we've been meetin, we really never fail to have so many to talk bout.
Just like this evening's meet up, planned to be home bef twelve cos Regina has an early morn HKG turn but after dinner, while buddy went to meet her cousin, Regina and I eneded up at Meritus Mandarin till after twevle, talkin the night away. We sure have loads to talk bout. She's indeed like a big sis to me. Love you very much babe! Hugss.
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Was totally an emotional wreck during my stay at BNE. Drown myself by sleeping in yet even in my dreams, drama mama as it may be, he was there and everything else was replaying. During makan, was on some topic and came to a conclusion of tryin too hard. I want to think I'm tryin too hard, sadly, way too hard.
Did the most silliest thing, anyone would say. But for the sake of it, activated myself despite the super min rest, almost couldnt wake up for flt. Silliest anyone would say but I say, it was all worth it. Firstly, yes I did manage to see and talk to him for that while and even that while, really, it made me so happy. But what really made the flt was the pax who was handicapped. Too tired to elaborate. He just dawned to me; that isnt the end of life, we must continue to live and live fully.
I know, I've said this before and action speaks louder than words. But I really decided to move on, I want to. Infact, it will be tough and I know I will still do nonsense silly things, still think bout him but I will get over, I will. The wreck at BNE was really horrible plus the perfect atmosphere; dimmed room with sappy music, I was totally gone throughout, cried buckets. Never thought I would and even be in this state, esp not when I only knew him for such short period of time. But Regina said, time is not a measurement. True enough I guess. And I am sure, I really have fallen for him, deeply.
Decision made but predict as much that I will fall, be emotional and succumb to silly actions, please bear with me. But I really will learn to be strong, much stronger than yesterday, much more independent than I can be and definitely, hopefully, not vulnerable once more. And of course, greater faith in Daddy above. I will try.
Just like this evening's meet up, planned to be home bef twelve cos Regina has an early morn HKG turn but after dinner, while buddy went to meet her cousin, Regina and I eneded up at Meritus Mandarin till after twevle, talkin the night away. We sure have loads to talk bout. She's indeed like a big sis to me. Love you very much babe! Hugss.
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Was totally an emotional wreck during my stay at BNE. Drown myself by sleeping in yet even in my dreams, drama mama as it may be, he was there and everything else was replaying. During makan, was on some topic and came to a conclusion of tryin too hard. I want to think I'm tryin too hard, sadly, way too hard.
Did the most silliest thing, anyone would say. But for the sake of it, activated myself despite the super min rest, almost couldnt wake up for flt. Silliest anyone would say but I say, it was all worth it. Firstly, yes I did manage to see and talk to him for that while and even that while, really, it made me so happy. But what really made the flt was the pax who was handicapped. Too tired to elaborate. He just dawned to me; that isnt the end of life, we must continue to live and live fully.
I know, I've said this before and action speaks louder than words. But I really decided to move on, I want to. Infact, it will be tough and I know I will still do nonsense silly things, still think bout him but I will get over, I will. The wreck at BNE was really horrible plus the perfect atmosphere; dimmed room with sappy music, I was totally gone throughout, cried buckets. Never thought I would and even be in this state, esp not when I only knew him for such short period of time. But Regina said, time is not a measurement. True enough I guess. And I am sure, I really have fallen for him, deeply.
Decision made but predict as much that I will fall, be emotional and succumb to silly actions, please bear with me. But I really will learn to be strong, much stronger than yesterday, much more independent than I can be and definitely, hopefully, not vulnerable once more. And of course, greater faith in Daddy above. I will try.
It will be tough but I will miss you badly, please take very good care.
♥ love & blessings
01:48
Monday, May 19, 2008
Sunday dinner at Gramps' as always. Really love and miss homecook food.
Catch up with the cousins after, while they ended their work, at our usu hangout. An impromptu decision to run while sitting there listenin to my two dearest cousins reminisce bout their sec sch heroic act. Just needed so badly to be alone and to sweat it all out.
With the boys
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Hardly do I manage such clear picture with this emperor!
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Younger than me but never fail to send me to my doorstep! Thank you!!
My drink for the night with them
It's been a long while since I've ran outdoor. What suppose to be the usu path, lead me to Braddell and then to Bishan. Wanted to cover much further but had to do an earlier detour as mei's hp decided to die on me.
And my shower sure is cranky. Days when I want a hot shower, it gives me cold and when I want a cold shower, it gives me the direct opposite. Dangs! But any old how, sure feels good after a run and a shower and now sitting here in my room alone with the aircon switched on and waitin for my mask to dry.
Today's very much a fulfillin day. Despite the min rest upon touched down, managed to crawl outta bed for service, though I was tryin to stay awake the whole time. Went down to Sim Lim after to grab something before walkin to Wisma to meet Nicole. Coincidentally met a pax, not on my flt though, who asked for directions, he walked from InterContinnental to town! I was really amazed by him. Lunched, caught up, shopped and tea-ed bef Claud and Alex joined us. And it's really comfortin to know we'll be meetin up again bef the month ends. And thank you so much for ur care darlings!
Before Xiang and Alex came..
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Nic pro touching up
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Picture tgt!
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Tea at Han's and my much needed caffeine dosage to fight the heavy eyelids!
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He just simply wouldnt smile with his teeth!
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But so willing with them! Hmmps! Haha
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And group picture, in the middle of nowhere!
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As buddy and I concluded, when two sad souls are put tgt, they do crazy things! What meant to be our chocolate fondue date, which I've been cravin since forever, which we had, we went on an impromptu K-ing upon hearing Jay Chou's song. Sang from seven to eleven at TPY Kbox before continuing again from one in the morn to five at Bugis. Crazy eh?
What's more crazy would be the most dumb-mest, craziest, stupidest thing we two could agree on doin, knowing how much we shouldnt for we both felt the ache so badly after!
Buddies indeed! And nobody will fit to the t as buddy would, to do the silliest act without having to feel embarrassed!
Sinful but yummy-licious much craved chocolate fondue
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Our crazy impromptu decision
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Love you very very much buddy!
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Lovely sister of mine dated me the day before my SYD nightstop. Caught Made of Honour at J8 after dinner at MOS. Thinkin of it, havent caught a movie since the last time with him, long while. While she slept like half way through the movie, I teared at many scenes. Reminded of you every now and then. And believe that's the reason that made me held no more.
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The rascal I totally hearts!
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Met Lynnette at SYD who's on a seven weeks long holiday, accompanyin her bf who's studyin there. How sweet!
And as she puts it, in SIN dont meet, only go overseas then meet. How true! Haha. But it's really so long since we've met, like since graduation?! Miss you babe!
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Still do have a lot in mind, so many questions, so many doubts, so many if only, so many this and that. Wished so much it would be as easy as you said to move on. If only. And hate definitely is not in my dictionary. So please dont ask me to. And dont talk bout being hurt for the scar has already been inflicted, deep, much deeper than you and I can imagine. Shattered. Move on, lead a blessed life, I want to too but it's so VERY EXTREMELY difficult. Really question myself again and again, just where are my imperfections. Im way toooo sceptical bout anything now. But I do hope that you'll lead a blessed life urself too and not give up your dreams.
Letting you go is tough, forgetting you is way worse.
My Rev and others think I'm happy, if only. Like once a big boss once mentioned, life is just like a stage. Indeed it is, for the show has began. Everything is a facade.
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Meeting Regina darling tomorrow, later to be accurate to have our nails done and another round of K at Bugis when buddy touches down. Miss them plenty! Yes though I know buddy and I has been meeting lately. Cant get enough of them!
This is a really looooong post. It's five am! Bed time!
I'm tired too.
Catch up with the cousins after, while they ended their work, at our usu hangout. An impromptu decision to run while sitting there listenin to my two dearest cousins reminisce bout their sec sch heroic act. Just needed so badly to be alone and to sweat it all out.
With the boys
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.JPG)
Hardly do I manage such clear picture with this emperor!
.JPG)
.JPG)
Younger than me but never fail to send me to my doorstep! Thank you!!
My drink for the night with them
It's been a long while since I've ran outdoor. What suppose to be the usu path, lead me to Braddell and then to Bishan. Wanted to cover much further but had to do an earlier detour as mei's hp decided to die on me.
And my shower sure is cranky. Days when I want a hot shower, it gives me cold and when I want a cold shower, it gives me the direct opposite. Dangs! But any old how, sure feels good after a run and a shower and now sitting here in my room alone with the aircon switched on and waitin for my mask to dry.
Today's very much a fulfillin day. Despite the min rest upon touched down, managed to crawl outta bed for service, though I was tryin to stay awake the whole time. Went down to Sim Lim after to grab something before walkin to Wisma to meet Nicole. Coincidentally met a pax, not on my flt though, who asked for directions, he walked from InterContinnental to town! I was really amazed by him. Lunched, caught up, shopped and tea-ed bef Claud and Alex joined us. And it's really comfortin to know we'll be meetin up again bef the month ends. And thank you so much for ur care darlings!
Before Xiang and Alex came..
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Nic pro touching up
.JPG)
.JPG)
.JPG)
.JPG)
.JPG)
Picture tgt!
.JPG)
Tea at Han's and my much needed caffeine dosage to fight the heavy eyelids!
.JPG)
.JPG)
He just simply wouldnt smile with his teeth!
.JPG)
But so willing with them! Hmmps! Haha
.JPG)
.JPG)
And group picture, in the middle of nowhere!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
As buddy and I concluded, when two sad souls are put tgt, they do crazy things! What meant to be our chocolate fondue date, which I've been cravin since forever, which we had, we went on an impromptu K-ing upon hearing Jay Chou's song. Sang from seven to eleven at TPY Kbox before continuing again from one in the morn to five at Bugis. Crazy eh?
What's more crazy would be the most dumb-mest, craziest, stupidest thing we two could agree on doin, knowing how much we shouldnt for we both felt the ache so badly after!
Buddies indeed! And nobody will fit to the t as buddy would, to do the silliest act without having to feel embarrassed!
Sinful but yummy-licious much craved chocolate fondue
.JPG)
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.JPG)
.JPG)
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Our crazy impromptu decision
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Love you very very much buddy!
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Lovely sister of mine dated me the day before my SYD nightstop. Caught Made of Honour at J8 after dinner at MOS. Thinkin of it, havent caught a movie since the last time with him, long while. While she slept like half way through the movie, I teared at many scenes. Reminded of you every now and then. And believe that's the reason that made me held no more.
.JPG)
.JPG)
The rascal I totally hearts!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Met Lynnette at SYD who's on a seven weeks long holiday, accompanyin her bf who's studyin there. How sweet!
And as she puts it, in SIN dont meet, only go overseas then meet. How true! Haha. But it's really so long since we've met, like since graduation?! Miss you babe!
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Still do have a lot in mind, so many questions, so many doubts, so many if only, so many this and that. Wished so much it would be as easy as you said to move on. If only. And hate definitely is not in my dictionary. So please dont ask me to. And dont talk bout being hurt for the scar has already been inflicted, deep, much deeper than you and I can imagine. Shattered. Move on, lead a blessed life, I want to too but it's so VERY EXTREMELY difficult. Really question myself again and again, just where are my imperfections. Im way toooo sceptical bout anything now. But I do hope that you'll lead a blessed life urself too and not give up your dreams.
Letting you go is tough, forgetting you is way worse.
My Rev and others think I'm happy, if only. Like once a big boss once mentioned, life is just like a stage. Indeed it is, for the show has began. Everything is a facade.
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Meeting Regina darling tomorrow, later to be accurate to have our nails done and another round of K at Bugis when buddy touches down. Miss them plenty! Yes though I know buddy and I has been meeting lately. Cant get enough of them!
This is a really looooong post. It's five am! Bed time!
I'm tired too.
♥ love & blessings
02:09
Saturday, May 17, 2008
My heart's broken, into many many pieces.
Please let me cry.
♥ love & blessings
04:51
Friday, May 16, 2008
Did what I suppose was the most courageous thing I tot I would ever do for I've never did it bef. But I've kept it long and hard within and I really can take it no more. Believe very much it will cause an extraordinary huge awkwardness and definitely widen the humongous gap btw but really I cant contain it anymore. I really need to let it out, I really want to know.
And with the very first strength keyed onto the enter button, I know there's no turnin back.
Lord, you said, if You're for me, no one else can be against me. You said, everything if I asked in prayer and with faith, You will grant it. And now Lord, I just ask of You please to keep me strong in faith, keep me going no matter how tough it will get for I know I am so going to be so weak emotionally. And Lord, please watch over him too that You will bless and guide him and grant him serenity within too.
As for the unsettling prob at work, Lord, You know how hard I've work, how much effort I've put in. Lord, I really dun want to be extended, I really dont want that mark within my record. Lord, I really am just leavin it to you and ask that You please give me the will and energy to continue each flt and not dread it as how I am now please.
Thank you for not giving me up Lord, thank you. And I am truly sorry for being so weak. Please give me time. I love you Lord, I really do. Amen.
And to all of you, thank you too. I really appreciate it very much from the bottom of my heart. I know I'm utterly heart wrecked within but I will stand again. Please give me time.
And with the very first strength keyed onto the enter button, I know there's no turnin back.
Lord, you said, if You're for me, no one else can be against me. You said, everything if I asked in prayer and with faith, You will grant it. And now Lord, I just ask of You please to keep me strong in faith, keep me going no matter how tough it will get for I know I am so going to be so weak emotionally. And Lord, please watch over him too that You will bless and guide him and grant him serenity within too.
As for the unsettling prob at work, Lord, You know how hard I've work, how much effort I've put in. Lord, I really dun want to be extended, I really dont want that mark within my record. Lord, I really am just leavin it to you and ask that You please give me the will and energy to continue each flt and not dread it as how I am now please.
Thank you for not giving me up Lord, thank you. And I am truly sorry for being so weak. Please give me time. I love you Lord, I really do. Amen.
And to all of you, thank you too. I really appreciate it very much from the bottom of my heart. I know I'm utterly heart wrecked within but I will stand again. Please give me time.
♥ love & blessings
00:43
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
This sounds really really wrong but I am beginning to hate guys, like totally, really.
I am just fuming mad. Oh so fuming ultra mad!
What exactly is running through that thick skulls of theirs?
What exactly do they want and expect outta we girls?
Who on earth do they really think they are?
Like oh please!
Who on earth are they to manipulate our feelings? Yes, we girls are emotionally but have you thought who is the main cause of it. And right from the beginning, we were made this way. And no, dont argue that you guys were made this way either! You all were made to give us security, made to be the head. But if that ego nonsense of yours is going to cloud that thick skull of yours than I guess, you were made oh so wrongly!
Which guy do not want to settle down you ask? Then may I ask, which girl do not want to either? We did our best, do all we can, did out utmost, gave you all our trust and faith but in the end!!?
Just heard another heartbreakin news, plus buddy's plus another conversation with you. As buddy always ask me, what wrong have I done to deserve it!? What wrong!? Can you guys just oh so kindly enlighten us!? Like oh so whatever!
I know not all are black sheep but really, what's wrong with guys these days?
You will have your own set of arguments, own set of reasons, own set of what ever what ever.
Just like I have mine.
I'm losing hope in relationships, Regina is right, nothing last and guess you were right too, true love doesnt exist. Naive me, as always, time to get up.
And I always want to believe, it's cos you never really took us seriously.
Prove it otherwise then.
♥ love & blessings
00:43
Monday, May 12, 2008
Just when I want to stand on my feet and learn to be stronger, I fell again and again. When will it stop?
First, him.
Then you.
And now this shit.
I'm so tired, so very tired of trying, so very tired of fighting, so very tired of donning that mask over and over again, so very tired of stayin strong, more so, very VERY tired of living.
I know I shldnt be sayin this but life sucks, big time, nothing is gettin better.
Lord: What wrong have I done? Why do I deserve all these? Have I tried not hard enough? Havent I held on You so tightly but why still all these? When will I ever see the rainbow or even that glimpse of light? What put me through ALL THESE!?
And you: What wrong have I done? Where are you now even? Am I not good enough? Have I not did my best? Have I not done enough? Why then and then now? Why are you doin this? Why why why!? Do you know how much it's hurting within?! Do you know, do you!? What exactly is running through that mind of urs!? WHAT WENT WRONG!!!?!?!?! WHAT WENT WRONG!!? PLEASE dont do this to me, PLEASE. Can you please just tell me.
And to this sucky job: HAVE I REALLY DID THE DAMN RIGHT THING TO PURSUE IT?! Dammit! I worked so hard, why this now?!!?
And to myself: ROSELL ANG LIXUE, YOU'RE A BIG TIME LOSER!!! SUPER HUGE BIG TIME LOSER!!!!!!! YOU LOUSY USELESS BITCH, YOU ARE NOTHING BUT A LOUSY BORN LOSER!!!!!!!!!!!
Please dont ask me to have faith or hope for I really want to and have been holdin on to it so much but...
Please dont ask me to stay strong cos I know I CANNOT take it anymore. I am NOT as strong as you all think I am. I AM NOT!!
Please dont tell me things will get better cos it has been like that for so long and instead of gettin better, it got worst.
Please dont tell me what to do for I duno what I really want now too or even to do. IDUNO!!!!!
Please please please dont do this to me.
I'm really really really very...................
I'm so sick and tired of everything.......
Hate everything.....
And no, cryin it all out is not helpin either.
I've lost faith, lost hope, lost everything, even the will to fight n carry on, I've lost so badly.
....I GIVE UP!!
♥ love & blessings
15:17
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Really cant wait to get back SIN for I desperately want to get over and done with this flt.
Totally no mood to go sightsee.
Totally super demoralised and for once, really, what am I doing here.
It's only bout a mth plus more to clear my probation and shit happened. So much of workin hard, so much of tryin to keep my record clean. Dammit!
The only thing to look forward now is to see how much longer my probation will be extended. Shrugs big time!
Bad flight, do I need to further explain.
Totally no mood to go sightsee.
Totally super demoralised and for once, really, what am I doing here.
It's only bout a mth plus more to clear my probation and shit happened. So much of workin hard, so much of tryin to keep my record clean. Dammit!
The only thing to look forward now is to see how much longer my probation will be extended. Shrugs big time!
Bad flight, do I need to further explain.
♥ love & blessings
15:58
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Stupid me, why didnt I save it in my laptop? Why of all pics that I've saved, I didnt save those pics?!
Stupid me! Stupid me! STUPID ME!!!!!!
Can deleted pics from memory card be retrieved back?
Stupid stupid BIG TIME STUPID me!!!!!
Roarrrrrrrrrrr!
Stupid me! Stupid me! STUPID ME!!!!!!
Can deleted pics from memory card be retrieved back?
Stupid stupid BIG TIME STUPID me!!!!!
Roarrrrrrrrrrr!
♥ love & blessings
00:53
Thursday, May 08, 2008
After MIA-ing for so long, Ong Shao is finally liberated from exams, atleast for now! Met him after him givin tuition for a chopchop dinner, mine to speak, followed by coffee and slacked ard J8 before catching the last train back home. Silly fella who never fail to make me laugh so hard! It's been awhile, thank you Shao, oh I forgot, HANDSOME! And now that he's starting work, it's gg to be a long while bef I'll see u again! Hah!
Pardon me, I look super duperly hagged.
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Ended in Ding Tai Feng cos we wanted to eat xiaolongbao but J8's Crystal Jade didnt have em =(
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All gone!
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His drink w fattenin whipped cream, yew! And he still wanted me to try his drink! And the mud pie we both couldnt resist but it aint as fantastic as we thought.
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But we finished it nonetheless, hah!
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He's crazy over her!! Couldnt stop raving how hot she is!
This afternoon saw me meetin buddy and AA for KTV and surprise surprise, if you know me well enough, I dont really sing, infact I dont, but I sang pretty much but all repeated songs. Till AA kept reminding me how many times each song has been sang. Shesh! And once again, it's nice to catching up with AA, havent seen him since grad. AA will always be AA. Hahha.
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Entertaining me before buddy arrives
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AA! And come to think of it, his outfit today looks like he's wearin his uniform w/o jacket!
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And as usu, it was another camwhore session with buddy!
Pardon me, I look super duperly hagged.
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Ended in Ding Tai Feng cos we wanted to eat xiaolongbao but J8's Crystal Jade didnt have em =(
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All gone!
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His drink w fattenin whipped cream, yew! And he still wanted me to try his drink! And the mud pie we both couldnt resist but it aint as fantastic as we thought.
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But we finished it nonetheless, hah!
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He's crazy over her!! Couldnt stop raving how hot she is!
This afternoon saw me meetin buddy and AA for KTV and surprise surprise, if you know me well enough, I dont really sing, infact I dont, but I sang pretty much but all repeated songs. Till AA kept reminding me how many times each song has been sang. Shesh! And once again, it's nice to catching up with AA, havent seen him since grad. AA will always be AA. Hahha.
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Entertaining me before buddy arrives
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AA! And come to think of it, his outfit today looks like he's wearin his uniform w/o jacket!
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And as usu, it was another camwhore session with buddy!
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More pics in buddy's cam!
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You know I love you very much buddy! Hugss
Let's K again soon!
There were many songs sang that were so meaningful but this very once spoke very much, esp this very part, cant rem the title.
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Know it's really dumb and foolish of me but deep down I still want to continue fighting knowin it's gettin nowhere. And the harder I fight, the hurt gets more painful, I'm too scared, too tired.
You've been away for a good eight days. Hope you enjoyed urself, went to the places u told me you'll want to visit. And when ure back, it'll be my turn and then again, it will be vice versa cos u'll be away on a holiday. Prolly God's planning, a sign? I duno but all I'm very sure is, ure missed, indefinitely.
And dear all, I'm truly sorry for being in the state I'm in, long enough I know. But really it's not easy, please bear with me as I sort myself out. For close ones who know, it was and have never been easy for me to fall for someone, let alone gettin over. The pain isnt as vivid as I wished it was, neither is it fading as I wanted it to, it's on the contrary instead. I'm really tryin very hard, my very best now to stand on my feet again. Please bear with me, I am very sorry and thank you very much for all your concerns, appreciate it from the bottom of my heart.
♥ love & blessings
22:53
All I Want For Christmas Is You - Mariah Carey
