Friday, July 04, 2008
Went to do my nails w Regina this aftnn and they were playin Sex and the City movie. It wasnt the shoes, bags, fashion and what's not that got me thinkin, rather it was the other main focus of the movie, relationship. And maybe too much.
The ending is truly sweet esp heartwarming, guess that's what every girl wishes for, ultimately or well atleast for me, that I'm very sure.
Honestly, as much as I know I'm a big time worrywart, I really wished so much I'm not, esp not in relationship. It's not as if I never work hard and try. Just simply hate the insecurities in me. Thought I've stepped outta the shadow, got outta the fear, moving on well but guess I was only deceiving myself. Definitely got over what I needed to but guess not the experiences, not many but the two is enough to kill, to keep haunting me; the unexplainable pain and hurt.
Know this sounds really silly, childish, immature and whatever but I'm really just way too scared to fall, again. It was really really painful, extremely painful. I dont want to live in a fantasy which I thought was a reality, again, I dont want to go through that. I dont want to go through that never-ending-humongously-huge hurt. I want to step outta my shell but.... I'm just so scared, even that, it's an extreme understatement.
I know where I'm standing now and withholdin within is gettin much more difficult, I'm sorry for my insecurities but please tell me it is not yet another fantasy and if it really is, please have the heart to break it to me soon, soon before I lose and fall and really break.
Wish somehow, someday, someone will magically be able to erase and take away the pain and hurt from my memory and let me start afresh.
You know, sometimes or shld I say most of the time, I just hate myself..
It's getting late, goodnight.
The ending is truly sweet esp heartwarming, guess that's what every girl wishes for, ultimately or well atleast for me, that I'm very sure.
Honestly, as much as I know I'm a big time worrywart, I really wished so much I'm not, esp not in relationship. It's not as if I never work hard and try. Just simply hate the insecurities in me. Thought I've stepped outta the shadow, got outta the fear, moving on well but guess I was only deceiving myself. Definitely got over what I needed to but guess not the experiences, not many but the two is enough to kill, to keep haunting me; the unexplainable pain and hurt.
Know this sounds really silly, childish, immature and whatever but I'm really just way too scared to fall, again. It was really really painful, extremely painful. I dont want to live in a fantasy which I thought was a reality, again, I dont want to go through that. I dont want to go through that never-ending-humongously-huge hurt. I want to step outta my shell but.... I'm just so scared, even that, it's an extreme understatement.
I know where I'm standing now and withholdin within is gettin much more difficult, I'm sorry for my insecurities but please tell me it is not yet another fantasy and if it really is, please have the heart to break it to me soon, soon before I lose and fall and really break.
Wish somehow, someday, someone will magically be able to erase and take away the pain and hurt from my memory and let me start afresh.
You know, sometimes or shld I say most of the time, I just hate myself..
It's getting late, goodnight.
♥ love & blessings
01:15
All I Want For Christmas Is You - Mariah Carey
